Echoes In The Aftermath.
By Tom Danehy
THE 10 STUPIDEST things uttered publicly in the aftermath
of the shooting rampage in Colorado:
10. Unidentified caller on The Rush Limbaugh Show:
"If only those poor kids who got killed had been armed. They
could have had a fighting chance."
This bizarre logic was a recurring theme in the days following
the massacre. Let's look at it this way: You've got an 18-year-old
who still plays video games and makes Internet-recipe bombs in
the garage. He's walking down the halls of his school, killing
people because they're able to shoot a basket or catch a football
(or maybe just because they're black). Obviously his 18 years
on earth didn't make him wise and mature in the use of guns.
But this caller's solution is to give all the 15-, 16- and 17-year-old
would-be victims guns of their own so that, should one of their
nut-boy classmates snap because they're not allowed to sit at
the "cool" table in the cafeteria, they can shoot back
and hope to catch the Trench-Coat Dork in a crossfire.
The only trouble is: how do we know which kids are targets? Like,
should a kid on the golf team be considered a jock?
9. Minnesota Gov. Jesse "The Body" Ventura on
MSNBC: "Maybe if some of the teachers or administrators had
been carrying concealed weapons, the outcome would've been a little
different."
To his credit, after the hangover wore off, he admitted he had
been wrong to suggest that and offered that only law-enforcement
personnel should be armed in such a situation.
8. Unidentified caller on Limbaugh: "Maybe this is
the time for Congress to give serious consideration to school
vouchers."
What the hell do 15 dead people have to do with your getting
an undeserved tax break? And that's all the voucher system is:
a tax break for sending your kid to Snobby White-Boy Prep.
Every American has the unfettered right to send his kids to a
private school. If you can't afford it, life sucks. If you can
afford it and you still want a tax break, you suck.
7. Unidentified caller on G. Gordon Liddy Show:
"I think every kid in school these days should carry a gun."
Ah, see, that fills in all the gaping loopholes left by Loser
No. 10. But what do they do, check them out when they arrive in
the morning and hand them in when they leave? And what about when
they shower after P.E.? (Not that many schools have P.E. anymore,
and not that kids actually shower.)
And what kind of guns? They're not going to have a uniform code
where everybody has to carry the same gun, are they? You
know somebody would sue saying that it stifles his kid's individuality.
6. Phil Murphy in The Arizona Daily Star: "I'm
disappointed."
My buddy Phil was pissed that Gov. Jane Dee Hull vetoed a bill
which would have overridden the Tucson city law banning the carrying
of firearms in city parks. He felt the Guv was bowing to the tiny
pressure of learning that more than a dozen kids had been slaughtered
by gun-toting Hitler Youth wannabes.
Phil heads a gun advocacy group call Crass Coots or something
like that. He thinks we should all feel really comfortable in
a park, knowing that shirtless Billy Jim Bob in the next ramada
is guzzling beer at the rate of a six-pack-per-hour and
packing heat.
5. Rush Limbaugh on his show: "Excellence in broadcasting."
I don't know, that kills me every time.
4. Bruce Porter, pastor at funeral for one of the slain
students, on CNN: "One good thing came out of this. Last
Tuesday (at Columbine High), prayer returned to the public schools."
This is one of the most shockingly insensitive, self-serving,
and misguided things I've ever heard from a person claiming to
be a man of God. Is he counting "Oh Dear Lord, please don't
let these lunatics end my life at the age of 16" as prayer?
Or is he celebrating people mourning the loss of friends and praying
for the repose of their souls as some sort of victory long denied
by the satanic Supreme Court?
For shame, pastor. Using that poor girl's funeral as a platform
to promote your un-American (and largely un-Christian) agenda.
Prayer has its place, but not in public schools.
3. Charlton Heston, quoted on CNN: "I don't understand."
The long-ago screen star was befuddled when the City of Denver,
to which Littleton is a suburb, let it be known that it would
prefer that the nation's biggest gun-nut club, the NRA, not hold
its national convention in Colorado this year, as scheduled.
2. Unidentified caller on The Eric & John Show
(KNST): "Guns don't kill people; people kill people."
I know it qualifies as free speech, but the only reason it's
free is because nobody would ever pay to hear something that stupid.
I was going to call the guy and tell him that I read once where
a guy came home from hunting and fishing and put his catch on
the counter next to his shotgun. Well, the "dead" fish
flopped around, triggered the gun and sent the sportsman off to
meet his maker. So the saying should be, "People don't kill
people; guns (and sometimes fish) kill people." Oh yeah,
the guy died on November 22, 1963, the same day that the President
of the United States, according to the NRA, wasn't killed by a
gun.
1. Eric or John on the Eric & John Show: "Uh-huh,"
right after the aforementioned idiot said his piece. I know it
sounded like what somebody says when they're bored and they just
want the other guy to shut up, but one of y'all agreed with that
moron, whether you meant to or not.
Guys, I like your show; I listen to you all the time. But, gee
whiz. "Guns don't kill people..."? Guns killed 15 people
just the other day.
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