All's Fair In Love And Lawmaking--For Better Or For Worse.
By Jim Nintzel
GREAT NEWS FOR all frustrated single men here in Arizona
who are finding the fairer sex just a little too ornery: The Arizona
Legislature is now considering a bill that would help women learn
the skills they need to land husbands.
The bill, sponsored by Rep. Mark Anderson (R-Stepford), would
create a pilot program to teach home-management skills to women
on welfare, including "positive thinking and attitude adjustment
techniques" and "understanding economic and personal
benefits of marriage."
I imagine the curriculum would be pretty simple: How to keep
your mouth shut and mix a good Bloody Mary.
Cost of the program: $2 million--not that you can put a price
tag on happiness.
Anderson certainly knows a lot about finding a wife. A member
of the Rev. Sun Myung Moon's Unification Church, he was matched
with his wife Lucia by Rev. Moon. In fact, the couple was married
along with 4,000 other people in one of those screwy mass ceremony
at Madison Square Garden.
Once these welfare women have completed their course and landed
that special fella, Sen. David Peterson (R-Stone Age) has come
up with a terrific way to make sure the happy couple stays together:
covenant marriage, a special sort of union where a spouse has
to show fault to obtain a divorce.
Covenant marriage would just be an option for couples who really,
really love each other. You could still opt for a standard marriage,
with its immoral, easy-out, no-fault divorce option. But once
we have those "attitude adjustment" classes in full
swing, who'd want to do that?
That's the Arizona Legislature for you: Lawmakers have plenty
of great ideas on how to strengthen our family ties, but--surprise!--they've
yet to figure out how to allocate tax dollars so we can build
decent schools for our kids or adequately fund effective teenage
pregnancy prevention programs.
Ah, yes, that brings us to that school finance problem that's
been nagging the Legislature for years. Details are sketchy, but
that solution is being crafted behind closed doors by Gov. Jane
Dee Hull, Superintendent of Public Instruction Lisa Graham Keegan,
Senate President Brenda Burns and Speaker of the House Jeff Groscost.
When they've got it all figured out, they'll swing into a quick
special session to pass the reform--or at least that's the plan.
Isn't open democracy a wonderful thing?
GUESS NOBODY HAS ever filled in Sen. Scott Bungaard on
a little secret: Life isn't fair.
Bungaard (R-Johannesburg) is particularly concerned about fairness--so
concerned, in fact, that he's pushing a bill that would put a
proposition on November's ballot to amend the Arizona Constitution
to prevent state agencies from enacting any kind of affirmative
action program.
Because, after all, it's not fair that state universities sometimes
make special efforts to recruit minorities, who might otherwise
believe a college education to be beyond reach.
Let's face it: With the exception of affirmative action programs,
pork is always dished out purely on the basis on merit. Certainly,
government jobs never go to the politically connected, and multi-million-dollar
contracts are never granted, say, through under-the-table bid-rigging
to accounting firms that handle the governor's finances. (Or if
it does happen, you probably can't prove it in federal court.
Especially if a key figure happens to perish in an auto accident
shortly before trial.)
Yep, it's just those parasitic, dark-skinned scam artists taking
advantage of the system to steal opportunities from oppressed
white victims. And Bungaard is here to put a stop to that!
Bungaard's focus on fairness has also led him to propose a tax
cut for the rich, since it's not fair that wealthy Arizonans
pay a higher percentage in taxes than poor folks.
Under Bungaard's plan, Arizona would go from our current progressive
tax system, ranging from zero up to 5.17 percent, to a flat rate
of 3.25 percent. The proposal would result in a $330 million tax
cut, even as lawmakers try to find the funds to fix our crumbling
schoolhouses.
Of course, even with the tax cut, Bungaard can't jiggle the tax
rates without raising taxes somewhere. In this case, the 1,600-plus
folks who earn more than $1 million a year would get about 16
percent of the total tax savings--for an average $32,352 each--while
about 70,000 folks who earn between $50,000 and $100,000 would
see their taxes go up. But it would go a long way toward making
the tax system more fair.
Of course, it's not really fair that the wealthy have
so much more money than the rest of us, either; but Bungaard's
interest fairness seems to decline once he's raised taxes on the
middle class so that the rich can treat themselves to another
vacation in Europe or another home in ski country.
Fair's fair, right?
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