Tucson Weekly: The Skinny (June 17

Skinny THE ROAD TO CADDYSHACK: What's the solution to our traffic problems? Building a freeway down La Cholla, say Oro Valley Mayor Paul Loomis and Vice-Mayor Dick Johnson.
The traffic problem has been created by the frenzied population explosion local politicians have blindly supported in Marana and Oro Valley, telling their constituencies about the many benefits from growth. It is now the moment of truth for Loomis, Johnson and their now-forgotten predecessors, whose legacy is finally becoming clear. Gridlock is just one part of the problems they helped cause.
This kind of rapid growth destroys lifestyles, increases pollution and wrecks the environment. It also requires more and more tax money for infrastructure. Loomis and Johnson don't have a clue about how much the "freeway" they propose would cost, but you can bet your ass they expect everybody who doesn't live in their town to cough up to pay for their grandiose proposal.
We have a simple proposition for Loomis and Johnson. Put a freeway on the ballot for Oro Valley residents and see if the blue hairs and golfers up there are willing to pay for at least a couple miles of it. Until you're willing to do that, shut up about it. And try to remember the problem you've caused next time you rezone for another couple thousand houses.
NO BUS ON THE BALLOT: It's just as well that the City Council this week abandoned its plan to ask voters to enact a quarter-cent or half-cent sales tax for mass transit and other transportation improvements. Much as we'd like to see a better mass-transit system in this burg, past history makes it clear that voters simply won't approve a hike in the sales tax--although, oddly, they don't seem to mind ratcheting up their property taxes by supporting bond packages. Figure that one out.
Besides, all our traffic woes will be solved soon enough--once those flying cars and jet-packs hit the market.
ALASKAN KING CRAB: One of the most powerful guys in the U.S. Senate, Ted Stevens, R-Alaska, recently visited southern Arizona, apparently for the sole purpose of making an ass of himself. Stevens zoomed back and forth over the border region a couple of times in what appeared to nearly everyone involved as an utter waste of time.
The senator was in our neck of the woods, supposedly as a guest of U.S. Sen. Jon Kyl, who, oddly, didn't accompany him. Customs sources say Congressman Jim Kolbe wasn't even invited--although he showed up anyway, seeing as how Stevens was mucking about Kolbe's Congressional District 5.
What are we saying? Kolbe doesn't own that district--we the people do. Just as we own the Blackhawk helicopter and other aircraft from U.S. Customs Stevens had at his personal disposal. We're told the Customs chopper had to come from El Paso--at enormous expense--just to squire the Big Kahuna around.
At one point during his lackluster probe of border woes, Stevens began pontificating about how the U.S. should be slapping tariffs on Mexican products because the Mexican government can't seem to keep its impoverished citizens out of American citrus groves and melon fields. Hey, Ted, the next time we want an ill-informed lecture on international trade and tariff agreements, we'll hire the Taco Bell chihuahua. Because you're obviously a complete idiot on the topic.
The WASPish Stevens also found time to make fun of an overweight Arizona Daily Star reporter, a Mexican-American. Proving once again just why folks hereabouts love the Washington power elite.
Word is the real reason Stevens was here was because he wanted to return to where he had learned to fly oh-so-many years ago. Lucky us.
His wife, Mrs. Bozo The Clown, came along. And now everybody's left wondering if they flew commercially to get here, or whether it was done at we the people's expense. The Skinny thinks Southern Arizona would be a much better place if we slapped a big, fat tariff on Alaska the next time they send us a pompous windbag like Stevens.
LAST SUPPER: Johnnie's Family Restaurant, an institution going back almost a half-century, will soon be converted into another Denny's. The Wright family, who founded the once-local chain, owned the restaurant on 22nd near Alvernon until a few years ago. In its heyday, as many Tucsonans will remember, Johnnie's dominated the late-night and burger trade before all the national franchises were invented. We regret the passing of another local business.
Several generations of UA students chowed down not only at the 22nd Street location, but at branches on Speedway and Tucson Boulevard, on Speedway and Craycroft Road, and at the original, just north of Speedway on Stone Avenue. The latter shared business with the late, lamented Vaughn's Central Drive-In, which stood where the remains of the boarded-up old Pizza Hut now reside.
With all the talk about the need to refurbish downtown, try driving north on Stone Avenue from the underpass to Speedway and checking out the really blighted area. A once-thriving strip now contains too many closed businesses and ugly vacant lots. Infill, anyone?
FRIED: The recent Fry's-Smith's merger will reduce options for consumers in the Tucson area once all the current Smith's stores are converted to Fry's. One less choice, one less list of specials every week for shoppers.
That's bad enough. But the spin doctors are here from the Kroger Corporation that now owns almost half the supermarkets in Arizona with the merger, as well as large globs elsewhere. Smith's shoppers are getting a hand-out with their groceries as the stores are being converted that announces: "What a great idea--Fry's and Smith's--together we save you more..." Huh? How?
The corporate bull continues with "More locations--same friendly faces." Yeah? Then how come so many stores are closing? And why are the Smith's employees all dreading the takeover and the lay-offs they smell happening? All this means less choice.
What we're really getting is the drive towards the elimination of competition. Maybe someday soon all the supermarkets will be owned by two or three megacorps and we can all find out what it was like to live in a mining town at the beginning of the century with one company store.
GET SMART: Okay, so we're suspicious of the whole Growing Smarter Commission that was created by a Growth-Lobby-backed referendum last year, which was ostensibly aimed at saving our dwindling desert, but which was really designed to derail a tougher Sierra Club initiative that never made it to the ballot.
But that doesn't mean you shouldn't go ahead and give the commission your thoughts on Arizona's frenzied growth when members visit Tucson next week. The group is looking for public participation in issues related to conservation, private-property rights, the cost of growth and preserving historical and cultural resources.
Share your thoughts with the commission at one of two open houses: from 4 to 8 p.m. on Wednesday, June 23, at Cross Middle School, 1000 W. Chapala, and from 4 to 8 p.m. on Thursday, June 24, at Magee Middle School, 8300 E. Speedway. For more info call 1-800-253-0883 or click on over to www.azplanning.org.

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