Some Thoughts On An American Art Form As 'Seinfeld' Enters The Rerun Pantheon.
By Tom Danehy
WHEN SEINFELD AIRS tonight, tens of millions of
people will be tuned in, hoping their hardest that it will be
uproariously funny and somehow transcendent. They'll want it to
be brilliant, a clear point of time in their lives. I wouldn't
count on it.
This hasn't been a good year for the show. It's limped along
with too many writers trying too hard to come up with the Next
Big Line which will become part of the American vernacular. Well,
there was no "shrinkage" this year, no "double
dip," no "Mulva." In fact there was probably only
one show this entire season which stands out at all, that being
the one where Kramer recreates the Merv Griffin set in his apartment
and George has an agreement with the pigeons. Much of the rest
has been pretty lame, at least by Seinfeld standards.
That's probably the problem right there: The show built up some
pretty high standards. Trying too hard to live up to one's own
high standards can lead to disappointing results. Last week's
episode about Puerto Rico Day (with 10 writers getting credit)
may have been the worst episode in the show's history. It was
almost painfully unfunny. Maybe they saved it for next-to-last
to make tonight's farewell seem hilarious by comparison. I sure
hope so.
I've been watching since the first season. In fact, I saw the
first episode when it originally aired, qualifying me for charter
membership in the People Who Watch Way Too Much TV Hall of Fame.
(I don't want to sound self-congratulatory. It was in July, so
it was either that or a baseball game. Not that hard to choose.)
It captured me with its quirkiness and I soon became a devotee.
I've always liked it, but it's not the greatest. Frasier
has been a better comedy series since Day One. Plus, the upstart
Just Shoot Me zoomed past Seinfeld this year.
Still, it's probably in my Top 10 of all time, but not the Top
Five, which are:
- The Mary Tyler Moore Show
- The Dick Van Dyke Show
- Newhart (The Innkeeper)
- The Bob Newhart Show (The Shrink)
- All In the Family
The brilliance of these shows was instantaneous, unmistakable,
and with the exception of the later years of All In The Family,
unwavering. I like Seinfeld, but it can't hang with those
shows.
I take television seriously. That's a statement which will probably
prompt some super-secret government organization to open a file
on me. I think there have been some great shows over the years.
Heck, even though most of the stuff that's on at any given time
is horrible, every season there are gems. Look at the dramas on
this year alone: Law & Order, NYPD Blue, The
X-Files, The Practice, Homicide, ER and
Brooklyn South.
Even tofu snobs driving VW buses with "Kill Your Television"
bumper stickers would have to admit that there's some good stuff
in there. I get the feeling these people probably secretly watch
Dharma and Greg and think it's a documentary.
I read the other day that there are over 200 Seinfeld
Web sites on the Internet, including a couple dozen devoted strictly
to tonight's episode. If that doesn't chill you, say "Hi"
to John Wayne for me, because you passed over a long time ago.
TWO HUNDRED SEINFELD WEB SITES! I didn't know there were
that many thirtysomething single guys living at home with their
moms in the entire country.
I've never been in a "chat room" and I hope I never
have reason to enter that realm. I agree with sci-fi writer Ray
Bradbury on this matter. The "promise" of the Internet
being a boon to communication is a joke. So far all it's been
is a marketplace for celebrity soft porn, a frustratingly slow
half-encyclopedia and a dumping ground for the "thoughts"
of anonymous people.
People aren't communicating on the Net; they're spewing.
They're saying things they'd never dare say in public, lest they
be subjected to the stares of fear and derision of those unfortunate
enough to be close enough to hear the words.
It's all very pathetic. I'll bet there were a couple dozen dweebs
trying to make an electronic date with that gorilla that went
on-line last week.
The Electronic Algonquin Round Table, it ain't.
Back when M*A*S*H had its final episode, the National
Enquirer got hold of the final script and leaked every last
highlight of the show weeks before it aired. To their credit,
the show's producers shrugged and didn't deny anything. They apologized
for letting it happen and they asked people to tune in anyway,
which they did in record numbers.
(When Dallas had its "Who Shot J.R?" episode,
they filmed several different endings and the producers decided
which one to show at the very last minute.)
Having learned from those lessons, the producers of Seinfeld
have been extremely tight-lipped about the script. That hasn't
stopped the nerd hordes from weighing in with the opinions as
to its content. Most of the ideas are pretty weak. Jerry and Elaine
get married. They all move to L.A. because Jerry gets a TV show.
Kramer gets a haircut. George, having seen that Internet episode
of The X-Files where the people entered the Net electronically,
jumps out of computer screens and accosts the dorks, screaming,
"At least I'm man enough to live in New York!"
Actually, if I were doing it, I'd have it not be the last episode.
I'd have Kramer look into the camera and say, "Hey, we're
having too much fun and making too much money for this to be the
end. We're coming back next year. Suckers!"
But if it were really the last episode, I'd have Jerry wake up
in bed with Suzanne Pleshette and say, "Wow, did I have the
weirdest dream..."
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