 |
 Antonia's Line. This flick received this year's Academy
Award for best foreign picture, and it has all the banal mediocrity
and pre-fab pathos we've come to expect from the Academy. Antonia
is an old, dying farm woman, and the plot is a Cliff Notes version
of the highlights of her life, given to us swiftly but succinctly,
presumably so we may experience sorrow when she dies. The film
produces so many rapidly growing babies that it's hard to feel
connected to any of the characters, and the plodding narration
keeps us further at a distance. This is the kind of ground best
covered in novels, and the filmmaker struggles without much success
to make her very long story visually dynamic. The occasional jolt
of magic realism just makes the whole project more derivative
and embarrassing.
BARB WIRE. In this futuristic remake of Casa Blanca,
Pamela Anderson Lee, that marvel of modern science and technology,
plays a leather-clad version of Rick, the character Bogart made
famous in the original. Between making almost as many costume
changes as Jane Fonda in Barbarella, the heavily armed
Barb strikes a blow for freedom and tightly-laced corsets as she
fights the evil fascist government that has taken over America.
You go, girl! Pamela Lee's brilliant performance is only enhanced
by the knowledge that she had a tumor the size of an orange removed
from an ovary during shooting. Nice dairy.
Celtic Pride. We should know by now that any movie including
any past or present member of the Saturday Night Live cast will
be a grave mistake, and Celtic Pride is no exception. This relentlessly
unfunny comedy is the story of two pathetic buddies (Dan Ackroyd
and Daniel Stern) who are so obsessed with "their" team,
the Boston Celtics, that they bumble into a plan to kidnap the
star player of the opposing team. Damon Wayans' good looks and
smooth, comedic charm don't even matter here; the whole film is
such a sad document of immature men doing stupid things for hazy
reasons that nothing can save it.
Fargo. A wonderfully deadpan thriller/comedy about a couple
of mediocre psycho killers being chased by a mediocre cop. Frances
McDormand is terrific as Marge Gunderson, a patient, pregnant
chief of police plodding along after Jerry Lundergaard (William
H. Macy), a financially insolvent car dealer who has his wife
kidnapped so that he can scam the ransom money for himself. Of
course, the plan goes awry, and half the fun of this movie is
watching the perky, have-a-nice-day citizens of the northern Midwest
getting caught in the cogs of gruesome crime. Only the Coen brothers
could pull off such a effortless blend of humor and gore.
James And The Giant Peach. Roald Dahl's children's classic
comes to life in this movie through the Disney magic of stop-motion
animation. The overgrown bugs are cute, young James is darling
and the animation is absolutely charming; still, if you're over
12, plan to be a little bored, especially during the singing part.
Those to the left of the political spectrum may enjoy the secret
embedded Marxist mythology being espoused here--James and the
bugs seize the fruits of their labor (the peach!) from the evil,
property owning aunts and take it across the ocean to share with
the masses. Apparently Disney has been brainwashing our young
for years, perhaps creating the Cold War through the seemingly
"cute" shenanigans of little dancing bugs and mice.
Probably with the cooperation of the phone company.
Mulholland Falls. The trailer for this one looks pretty
good, but the movie is another story. For some unknown reason,
an all-star cast including Nick Nolte, Melanie Griffith and Chazz
Palminteri has been matched up with an insufferable and completely
banal script. Nolte plays a cop hunting L.A. bad guys in this
China Town-style story; he and all the other characters
repeat themselves constantly, so don't worry about the plot getting
too intricate. As if the predictable plot weren't enough, the
character development in this movie barely dips above comic book
level. Stay home and eat a chocolate bunny.
The Quest. Jean Claude Van Damme-o-rama! The Muscles from
Brussels not only stars in this movie, he wrote and directed it
too! If you, too, are under the impression movies are made by
smart, talented but occasionally misguided people, go see The
Quest and have your little illusions shattered. This tale
of a kidnapped clown trained as a world-class fighter, who then
travels to the non-violent country of Tibet to compete in some
mysterious, weird fighting match against the stereotypical macho
guys of the world, is so stupid that the word "bad"
only begins to claw at the margins of what this movie is and shall
forever be. Anyone considering viewing The Quest should
keep in mind it is unsuitable for entertainment purposes and should
only be used as a form of punishment.
THE GREAT WHITE HYPE. A movie that borrows half it's stylistic
impulse from Blaxploitation flicks, half from spaghetti westerns--it
will leave you nostalgic for both and unsatisfied with the combo.
Samuel Jackson plays an unscrupulous boxing promoter who pits
a white underdog against the black heavyweight champ in order
to stir up a racist frenzy of promotion. That's the whole plot--the
rest is padding, and there's plenty of it. It's mildly funny,
slightly thoughtful, sort of interesting, and wholly mediocre.
Jackson does get to wear some super-cool costumes though.
SPECIAL SCREENINGS
BLACK TIMES BLACK AND SOME... Bero Gallery will present
an evening of Super 8 films by A.M. Fejes in conjunction with
Black Chamber Music, an experimental music project by Jaybird
Verkamp. The films run for 15 minutes and "emphasize blackness"
as the sort of cinematic blink that makes motion detectable to
the eye when film runs through a projector. Subject matter includes
talking fish, machine-like drummers and local band The Gobs. Don't
let another week go by without a dose of avant-garde art! The
films will be presented May 12 at 8 and 9 p.m. at Bero Gallery,
41 S. Sixth Ave. For information call 792-0313.
|
 |
