Tucson Weekly: Media Mix (May 7

Media Mix AGAIN, AGAIN! Seriously, not since we ran our readers' poll on the NYPD Blues episode featuring Jimmy Smit's butt have we had such an outpouring of opinion regarding our diligent pursuit to stay on the cutting-edge of all things inane. But Teletubbies--whose April debut on local PBS affiliate KUAT-TV, Channel 6, has been about a year in coming to American shores--has aroused attention from all corners. From its targeted audience of British toddlers on to the lolly-pop sucking, Amerigoth rave kids (now there's a self-deprecating demographic analysis waiting to happen), Teletubbies has one helluva following. (British ravers are notorious for coming down off M by watching the program, sources say.) The friendly aliens even made a cameo in last week's This Modern World strip, by nationally syndicated cartoonist Tom Tomorrow. See what you think of the following responses received via the Internet:

EH-OH: You've been out all night (on a weekday, no less) and you stumble home as the sun rises, needing something warped to rest your fuzzy mind. Ah, TV--that's the ticket. As you turn on the set, the screen fills with the image of a warm, glowing sun, the center of which is a baby's smiling head. Huh? Out pop four chubby aliens in primary colors, each with a different radio antennae hair design, and as they sway and bounce to the opening credits, you find yourself becoming transfixed on a strange new world, the land of Teletubbies.
Created for the pre-school (i.e., pre-speaking) set, the show is slower, quieter and altogether weirder than any children's show you've ever seen: what other network program can boast an 8-foot, deep-blue male character named Tinky-Winky who sports a purse?
Teletubbies' main premise is that the four characters have televisions on their tummies, which broadcast short little videos showing children (Earth children, one assumes) doing their daily activities. Where do they get the power to show videos on their tummies? Why, the tall pinwheel in the sky that spins out magic rays. And if you think that's strange, how about the fact that the entire clan lives in an Astroturf dome reminiscent of Logan's Run; and life consists of eating bright pink pudding called Tubbycustard, munching on round pancakes called Tubbytoast, and taking orders from the occasional protruding periscope called a Voice Trumpet; and all the while, an elephantine vacuum cleaner named Noo-Noo goes around cleaning up all spills and crises (if such an active-sounding word doesn't outpace the onscreen goings-on). An example: In a recent episode, Teletubbyland became covered with a ball of string, which Noo-Noo dutifully inhaled at a leisurely pace.
This is the most remarkable aspect of the program. Nothing ever happens, and when it does, it takes at least 10 minutes to come to fruition. (The episode synopses on the PBS website, www.pbs.org, is so minimalist it reads like Zen poetry: "The Teletubbies love to eat Tubby Custard. Po spills hers on the floor, and Noo-Noo the vacuum cleaner cleans up the mess. The Teletubbies watch some children ice-skating.")
The show's creator, Anne Wood, consulted with numerous child-development experts and decided that toddlers needed slower action and more minimal plot than most children's television would allow, and that repetition leads to better understanding: hence the Tubbies' penchant for screaming, "Again! Again!"--causing the just-viewed video of mundane Earth sport to repeat immediately in its entirety.
True enough, kids love it. But the program has also won over myriad adult skeptics with its David Lynch-like pacing and surreal imagery. You walk into it thinking Barney, and walk out thinking Bunuel. Supposedly it's aim is to be techno-friendly; but truly, it's a testament to the nonsense of modern existence. If you can think of a better world to live in, buy it.
--Simon Gracie

TELETUBBIES CAUSE BRAIN DAMAGE: TUCSON--An area man was rendered completely insane yesterday upon his third viewing of the Teletubbies TV program. The show, a British import designed for children for whom Barney is too cerebral, involves four demon-spawn creatures ruled by a Satanic baby-force that hovers like a sun above their putrescent green hill-world. Airing on PBS every morning at 8 a.m., the Teletubbies world-domination program sends out a powerful death-ray that turns the viewer's mind to Malt-o-Meal in nanoseconds. Victims of the program are known to say things like "Again, again!" or "Big hug!" uncontrollably, followed by drooling and mad convulsions, and--in advanced cases--pointless listserv postings. When interviewed, the area man, Zak Woodruff, said only this: "Eh-oh!"

NOTHING TO FEAR: My wife, kids and I have preceded the Teletubbies from the UK by some six months and assure you there is nothing to fear; there is no violence; and despite the concerns of those who profess to know about these things, there seems no evidence that pre-school viewers of the program suffer from speech problems. My 5-year-old daughter was an avid fan and seems communicationally unhindered by the experience. Also, you may be aware that one of the actors was obliged to seek alternative employment after it was discovered that he had been appearing naked or clad in a balloon--something like that anyway--in a more dubious production. Deemed to be inappropriate, I believe. No matter, the program is fun, imaginative and entirely responsible towards the younger set.
--Stu Peters

THE RAY BRADBURY EPISODE: Frankly, they give me the creeps. They're like those seemingly friendly aliens who welcome you and invite you into their homes and feed you dinner and let you stay in their nice soft beds, and then just as you're falling asleep they RIP YOU LIMB FROM LIMB AND TEAR OFF YOUR HEAD AND EAT IT AND USE YOUR EYEBALLS FOR MARTINI ONIONS! Damned Teletubbies.
--Caitlin, age 35, Massachusetts

ALL THE RAVE: You have to turn off the sound to really enjoy it...except for the dance sequence. The dancing, which is slightly out of sync and mercifully without singing, is better with the sound on. I think it might be great for parties. I've just finished taping four hours' worth of episodes, as an experiment.
--Susan, age 33, San Diego

POP-CULTURE SHOCK: One of our regular contributors, too embarrassed to give his name (DiGiovanna), compulsively watches Teletubbies every morning, despite his best efforts to do something else--like bathe and leave the house. All his communications are now in the form of Teletubbie talk. Asked about deadlines, he answered, "Po p'ay 'cooteh! Laa Laa p'ay wi ball!" Next of kin has been notified.

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