HEY! Do you love movies? I mean, do you reallllly love movies?

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HEY! Do you love movies? I mean, do you reallllly love movies?

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EMMA. What would Jane Austen think of the movie adaptations of her novels? How would she conduct herself at a Hollywood opening? Surely she would be appalled at the sudden excess of Jane Austen movies, as she was appalled at the excess of almost anything else. But the glut of 19th-century literary adaptations continues with a new version of Emma, Austen's most lighthearted novel. Gwyneth Paltrow stars as a young woman with the unfortunate habit of meddling in other people's affairs. The plot is the same as in Clueless, except the women in Emma wear nightgowns and the guys ride horses. Emma is not as good as Sense and Sensibility, but if you like to see meek girls find husbands, it's a perfectly solid movie, and Paltrow has such a beautiful smile that it's a delight to watch her even when she's not quite in stride.

THE ENGLISHMAN WHO WENT UP A HILL BUT CAME DOWN A MOUNTAIN. Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill. Though blessed with the acting charms of Hugh Grant, Colm Meaney and Tara Fitzgerald, this tale of Welsh villagers who contrive to add 20 feet to a nearby hill so that mappers will label it a mountain is simply too thin to warrant feature film status. It's an inoffensive, cute little story that has very little in the way of surprises, laughs or insight.

Escape From L.A. John Carpenter comes back for another round in this fun, campy reprise of his 15-year-old Escape From New York. It is again the not-so-distant future, and the entire city of Los Angeles has been turned into a prison camp for criminals, degenerates and smokers. Only one man, with one eye, Snake Plisskin (Kurt Russell) can retrieve the doomsday device from deep within the city. Schlockier and more self-conscious than the first Escape movie, Escape From L.A. lacks the bleakness of Carpenter's earlier version but makes up for it with silly special effects and a priceless surfing moment. This movie makes L.A. look like more fun than you ever imagined.

Executive Decision. This deeply predictable action thriller shows evil, dark skinned men killing senselessly and practicing their religion while noble white guys bond with each other and try to stop them. The racist, stereotypical treatment of the Middle Eastern villains is so cheap and unnecessary it's enough to make you convert to Islam. Meanwhile, in the white guys' camp, Kurt Russell plays the reluctant leader of an anti-terrorist squad sent on a daredevil mission to stop extremist hijackers. Most of the action takes place in the aisles and bowels of a 747. Some Mission Impossible-style gadget sequences spice up the otherwise monotonous plot, but if you've ever seen a movie before you can pretty much figure out exactly what's going to happen after thirty minutes. There is one and only one surprise--Steven Segal gets killed!


© 1996 DesertNet
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