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Kon Tiki 4625 E. Broadway READERS' PICK: Kon Tiki has long been an oasis of island kitsch in the parched desert. Recalling the days when Hawaii's statehood sent Americans into a Polynesian frenzy, the Kon Tiki lounge features all of the trappings of a nation once obsessed with exotic, nautical decor and fruity rum drinks. Listening to Martin Denny and eating "monkey on a stick" under a hanging blowfish seems to go better with Big Gulp- sized mixtures of hard liquor and fruit juice. Don't let those two straws sticking out of that huge coconut shaped glass fool you--that drink is all yours, mister; and it'll go down so smooth you'll be ordering another before you know it. Novice drinkers will come to understand why Zombies and Scorpions are so-named. An essential place to visit, provided a designated driver and Alka Seltzer are ready and waiting. READERS' POLL RUNNER-UP--TIE: Empire Café, 61 E. Congress St.; and Presidio Grill, 3352 E. Speedway. STAFF PICK: The Three Sisters, 4210 E. Speedway, features a '50s-style cocktail menu of alcoholic concoctions that will fry your brain. Try chemistry-set wonders like the Zombie, the Mai Tai, and a whole lot of other mixtures whose main properties are 1) they come in fancy cups with little umbrellas in them; and 2) they do the trick. Perhaps you thought you drank to be cosmopolitan. Perhaps you believed you drank to be social. Visit Three Sisters Vietnamese restaurant and get back in touch with the truth: You drink because it's the fastest, most legal way to sling mind-altering drugs into your greedy little nervous system. And designate a driver.
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