Goofer Twofer
DATING IS SUCH a pain, even when you've got brains. But it's really
hell for stupid people, who generally wind up spending weekend
nights diddling their small appliances at home alone.
But now there's help for dummies in the form of two little books:
pick-up lines and the apparent sequel, dating ideas,
$7.95, each from Andrews and McMeel, a Universal Press Syndicate
Company.
Contained within these tiny tomes (each about the size of the
business end of a fly swatter) are all the little utterances the
cogitatively disadvantaged might need to ignite the damp shavings
of lust into a sputtering, mediocre romance.
In all fairness, pick-up lines is subtitled the best
and worst on planet earth, and there are some doozies here.
Our favorite:
"You're like a prize-winning bass. I don't know whether
to mount you or eat you."
That should get him/her naked at the Box-X Motel in a Jiffy-Lube
moment, no? Or how about:
"Do you like candy? 'Cause I've got a Milky Way for you."
And once you've strapped on that clunky old relationship toolbelt,
what's to do? Well according to dating ideas, the two of
you might want to:
"Travel back in time to your senior year in high school.
Decorate a room with streamers, set up a bowl of punch, dress
in old formals, and dance to music from your graduating years.
Or crash your old high school prom and attend it again."
Or, better yet, stay home and diddle your small appliances.
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