SHINING BRIGHT: In honor of Gay Pride Month, the Tucson-Pima
Public Library is "delighted" to have author Susie
Bright (more commonly known as "Susie Sexpert")
"present her unique perspectives on sexual politics"
at
7 p.m. Monday, June 15, in the lower-level meeting room of the
Main Library, 101 N. Stone Ave. Expect a frank and humorous exposé
on collective myths surrounding family values, abortion, gay marriage,
pornography, AIDS and sex education. Admission is free. For more
information, call 791-4393.
The latest of Bright's 12 books The Sexual State of the
Union (Simon and Schuster), is available in paper for
$12.
VIAGRESSION: The authorship has regrettably dropped off
the latest joke circulating around the Internet via email, but
this one's too good to keep from the rest of you Luddites:
"With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole
line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men
in today's society:
DIRECTRA: A dose of this drug given to men before leaving
on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions
when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.
PROJECTRA: Men given this experimental new drug were far
more likely to actually finish a household repair project before
starting a new one.
CHILDAGRA: Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming
urge to perform more child-care tasks--especially cleaning up
spills and 'little' accidents.
COMPLIMENTRA: In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged
men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new
hairstyle. (Currently being tested to see if its effects extend
to noticing new clothing.)
NEGA-VIAGRA: Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra.
Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.
NEGA-SPORTAGRA: This drug had the strange effect of making
men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with
other family members.
FLATULAGRA: This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal
gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled
for long car rides.
FLYAGRA: This drug has been showing great promise in treating
men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men
on Viagra.
PRYAGRA: About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave
men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal
affairs of other people. (Note: Apparent overdose turned three
test subjects into 'special prosecutors.')
LIAGRA: This drug causes men to be less than truthful
when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available
in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential strength.
WRITING WRONGS: As regular readers know, we're seldom above
(or is it beneath?) a laugh at some other media's expense. So
we particularly enjoyed the exchange in last Thursday's Tucson
Citizen (Perspective, June 4), in which letter writer
Len Hoglan asked, "Are Tucsonans as stupid as it appears,
or are you being very selective with the letters you publish in
order to make them look that way?"
The staid old daily replied with the following editor's note:
"The Citizen publishes letters that meet its criteria,
which include a phone number for verification, and non-libelous
content. The Citizen limits frequent contributors and retains
the write (sic) to edit and condense letters."
We've been there enough times ourselves to know nothing beets
a gud edittor.
INK SPOTS: In spite of the unflagging optimism of our outdoors
columnist, we're fast approaching the thin blue line separating
spring fever from summer sloth. Make an informed decision on whether
to hit the trail hard, or just read about it from a soft surface:
Kelly Tighe and Susan Moran sign and discuss On
the Arizona Trail: A Guide for Hikers, Cyclists and Equestrians
at 2 p.m. Saturday, June 13, in the Foothills Mall location of
Barnes & Noble, 7325 N. La Cholla Blvd.
And for a summer read that's way far-out, join Tucson astronomer
David Levy (discoverer of comet Shoemaker-Levy) for a signing
and discussion of Comets--Creators and Destroyers
at 5 p.m. Saturday, June 13, also at the Foothills Barnes &
Noble. Call 742-6621 for information on either signing.
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