SPACE INVADERS: As we pointed out last week, the greedheaded weasels on the Board of Directors of the Tucson Chamber of Commerce have decided to oppose the open-space provision in the May 20 county bond election. More appalling than their decision was their reasoning--basically, that leaving the desert unbladed is, in itself, a bad thing. Sure enough, the Southern Arizona Homebuilder's Ass. took a similar tack, deciding to neither support nor oppose the open-space question. Gee, what a surprise. These small-minded cretins seem to think any land that doesn't have a building on it might diminish profits for somebody. And don't worry about the diminishing lifestyles for the rest of us, who pay to subsidize that building and the roads leading to it. But the Chamber's political geniuses have yet to consider the payback factor. When communities have to vote on omnibus bond issues, special interests groups usually don't shoot at other groups' issues, in the hope that no one shoots back. Well, take a look at the last two provisions on the May 20 ballot--sewers. That money will allow the Growth Lobby to make sure new subdivisions have something to flush. Maybe it's time to flush them. And if one of the bulldozing buttheads in what passes for Tucson's ruling class wants to call this retaliation "irresponsible," remind him the real irresponsibility was the Chamber's anti-open space tirade. THE USUAL SUSPECTS: And while we're on the subject of Tucson's selfish, short-sighted Chamber of Commerce, we thought it would be instructive to include a list of the self-important community "leaders" who would tell us how to further destroy our living space in the name of the the holy stuccodollar. Note that, with only a few exceptions, all of these people stand to profit handsomely from rapid, unchecked growth: • Chair of the Board: Karen Lee Rice, general manager, KGUN-TV • Vice chair, program of work: William Valenzuela, president, W.G. Valenzuela Drywall, Inc. • Vice chair, budget & finance: Michael Hard, executive officer, Southern Arizona Bank One • Vice chair, business outreach division: James Pignatelli, president/CEO, Tucson Electric Power Company • Vice chair, economic development division: D. Wayne Norris, CLU & Associates • Vice chair, public affairs, education & cultural development division: Larry Aldrich, president, Tucson Newspapers • Vice chair, governmental affairs division: Wayne Silberschlag, president Burlini/Silberschlag, Ltd., AIA • Vice chair, membership & communications division: Christina Palacios, senior vice president, Southwest Gas Corp. • Past chair: Hal Ashton, president, Diversified Design & Construction, Inc. Additional board members include: • John C. Camper, president, Tucson Metropolitan Chamber of Commerce Board of Directors • Walter Burg, general manager, Tucson Airport Authority • Steve Christy, president, Galloway Chrysler, Plymouth, Jeep, Eagle • Katie Dusenberry, vice president, Horizon Moving Systems, Inc. • Robert Elliott, accountant, Robert A. Elliott, Inc. • George Favela, Arizona area operations manager, U S West Communications • Art Gonzales, executive vice president, Bank of America • Barbara Grant, vice president, IBM Corporation • John Low, general manager, Mission Complex, ASARCO Inc. • David McPherson, vice president, Hughes Missile Systems • Ron Ness, general manager, American Airlines • Joseph E. Pennington, Personal Financial Advisors • Tim Prouty, senior vice president Grubb & Ellis • Chris Sheafe, executive vice president, Estes Homebuilding Co. • Steve Touché, vice president, Lovitt & Touché • Cheryl Walden, vice president, L & C Gourmet Products • Sister St. Joan Willert, president/CEO, Carondelet Health Care Corporation FRONT AND CENTER: Sometimes, it seems the folks in this town, from developers to newspaper reporters to TV airheads, are fronts for their out-of-town owners. Now, it appears the same can be said of the environmentalists promoting the open-space bonds on the May 20 ballot. The committee of locals known as Friends of the Sonoran Desert, who are supposed to promo the package, are actually taking marching orders from Nature Conservatory types in New Mexico and back east. The out-of-towners have hired out-of-state public-relations and survey firms to educate the local peasants, while ignoring the local environmental leadership. Since the out-of-towners are putting up much of the bread for the treehugger campaign, the Golden Rule applies--you control the gold, you rule. We're told the decision to refrain from openly attacking the Tucson Chamber of Commerce, after the Chamber idiots attacked the bond proposal, was made by those out-of-state people who actually control the campaign, frustrating many local environmentalists who thought it was a good time to go on the offensive. Our spies tell us the Nature Conservancy types didn't want to do anything "controversial." Guess they subscribe to the Rincon Institute mentality of waiting at the bottom of the environmental table with a dustpan hoping Don Diamond drops something on the floor. That now appears to be the prevalent epistemology among environmentalists in this community, or at least those who've pre-empted its leadership. MEANWHILE, BUD'S WIG HAS SIGNED ON FOR ANOTHER 20 YEARS: Anybody notice Bud Foster isn't news anchor at KOLD-TV, Channel 13, anymore? Station muckety-mucks have put him on "special assignment." Seems the bulldog reporter wouldn't buy into the newest contract strategy whereby KOLD, a.k.a. ELCOM of Arizona, holds the employee to a five-year commitment with the ability to renew annually--at the sole discretion of management. Hey, ELCOMMIES, why not bring back that early-American favorite, indentured servitude, by making it a biblical seven years? Since Foster is plagued with a congenital disadvantage in today's screw-the-workingman business climate--i.e., he was born with a backbone--he refused to sign, they threatened termination, he threatened an age-discrimination lawsuit, and so now he's doing special assignments. Pity. We've had a sense lately that KOLD was finally beginning to take off after years of farting around in the ratings crapper. Their newscasts certainly have been sharper and better reported than dismally limp, perennial No. 2 KGUN-TV, Channel 9, which appears incapable of coming in first with anything new or important--unless it involves people shooting, stabbing, bashing, macerating or otherwise inflicting pain on one another. But if all we're doing with KOLD is watching a bunch of weak-willed, servile teen news-readers who lack even a tenth of the knowledge of this community Foster possesses--well, what's the point in that? During the last election, by the way, Foster was the only anchor among the three network affiliates who appeared to know his stuff inside and out. The only reason he wasn't canned outright, we speculate, is because KOLD management probably didn't want another lawsuit or complaint--seems there are at least three against them in various states of adjudication already, ranging from claims of racial discrimination to failure to pay overtime. There's already precious little reason for anyone with half a brain to watch commercial TV news as it's presently structured. And when the bean counters, with their onerous contracts and cheap-ass salaries, get through wringing every last cent of profit--and talent--from this industry, there will be no reason. We figure that will occur, oh, by next Wednesday. The May ratings period is coming up. If Foster isn't back happily presenting the news by next Thursday, we're turning those KOLD bastards off.

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