MORE GROWLING IN DOGPATCH: The opponents of David Mehl's RedHawk development have sued the Town of Marana to force Town Clerk Sandra Groseclose to accept their petition for a referendum on Marana's most recent rezoning. Groseclose rejected the signatures last month on the advice of Dogpatch's legal division, arguing that the folks gathering the signatures failed to attach the RedHawk specific plan, a two-and-a-half-pound document detailing Mehl's plan to turn an ironwood-and-saguaro forest into thousands of homes, three resorts and four golf courses. The plan, of course, makes almost no allowances for the additional roads, schools, cops, sewers and other amenities that go with quadrupling your population, which is what RedHawk will do to Marana. Guess that's somebody else's problem. Now Alliance Marana, the outfit that gathered twice the number of signatures required to put the Town Council's rezoning decision to a public vote, has hired attorney Anne Graham-Bergin, who successfully sued Dogpatch two years ago, when the town threw out a referendum because the town attorney determined the type on the petition was a fraction of an inch too small. We expect Graham-Bergin, who recently joined the high-powered law firm of Raven & Kirschner, will kick Marana's ass in court--and we're guessing Marana taxpayers will pay the tab for the experience. (Of course, the bill will probably get forwarded to Mehl, since he's the one pulling the puppets' strings in Dogpatch.) GOV. DEADBEAT, MAN OF LETTERS: Didja catch Gov. J. Fife Deadbeat III's letter to the editor in last Sunday's Arizona Daily Star, in which he took the morning daily to task for its editorial stance that eliminating the state income tax was about the stupidest policy initiative to roll out of the Governor's office? Describing the income tax as "a blatant attack on success," Fife writes: "Anyone who earns a paycheck dreads the increased tax burden that comes with working hard and moving up." Yes, we've heard that so many times from poor people: "We'd get better jobs, but we know the government will take it all away from us in taxes." And Fife, who's never had a hard day of work in his life, should certainly know a lot about success, given the fact that nearly every single one of his so-called projects failed and he's now in bankruptcy court trying to weasel out of $25 million in debts. And keep in mind, Fife's own mother trusted him so little with money that she cut him out of her will. Give it a rest, Deadbeat. Your plan to eliminate income taxes is nothing more than ploy to boost the bank accounts of your rich friends, thinly veiled as a cheap pander to Arizona voters. PLEASE DON'T FEED THE LAWMAKERS: We heartily recommend taking a look at the Arizona Capitol Times, a wonderfully arid weekly tabloid detailing many of the zany antics of our lawmakers. In the January 31 issue, for example, we learned that Rep. Jean McGrath, a Republican from Glendale, believes that bears that bump into human beings should be executed. "You should kill the bears, or whatever word you want to use, on the first encounter with humans," McGrath said during an appropriations subcommittee meeting, according to the Capitol Times. "We've got a lot of bears in Arizona, we won't be giving up much." Personally, we'd be more inclined to kill the humans. They're the ones screwing up the state. The previous week, we learned that newly elected Rep. Debra Brimhall, who apparently represents a militia constituency somewhere around Globe, shared some of her thoughts on lawmaking. "We don't need drunk driving laws," Brimhall told the Capitol Times. "If someone drives drunk and has an accident and someone dies because of it, then charge them with murder and execute them." The same article exposes Brimhall's fear of seatbelts, which are apparently another one of those New World Order plots, along with black helicopter flights and fluoridated water. As the Times reporter wrote: Ms. Brimhall said she does not wear a seat belt, despite hitting her head on a windshield in an accident years ago and suffering continuing migraine headaches and blackouts because of it. And, she does not force her children to wear seat belts. That's a decision they make for themselves. "I've told them, you get hurt, don't come crying to me," Ms. Brimhall said. Brimhall has also co-sponsored a bill to strip custody of children from unmarried mothers under 18. She told the Times she wanted to send a clear message to girls who have kids: "This is where your hell begins, girl. Some of these girls get caught up in this freedom idea. They want to have sex, they want to have babies." Brimhall added that she believes it unfair that unwed teen "idiots" are having children while other families are "begging for a baby to adopt." UPROOTING WOODS: Attorney General Grant Woods publicly concedes what we told you last month--he's considering resignation. Woods is pushing Gov. J. Fife Deadbeat III to appoint his new top assistant, Tom McGovern, to fill out his term. Woods claims he wants to leave for reasons concerning his "family's future" and "my own personal goals." This is what a politician always says when his ass might be in a crack. The real deal is this: Fife gets rid of a political enemy, and Woods gets a successor who won't look too hard at some of his shady deals. DROWNING OUTTHESUPES: The so-called "independent citizen's inquiry" to find "management options" to satisfy Tucson Mayor George Miller's wet dream of privatizing Tucson Water has already hit a snag. It appears the City Council is getting queasy about allowing the Pima County Board of Supervisors to pick two representatives to the citizen's committee. A few weeks back the Council directed the Citizen's Water Advisory Committee (CWAC) to begin a process to select a representative committee. The committee, which has yet to be formed, is to be made up of individuals from various groups, including business, educational, neighborhood and environmental interests, along with the Board of Supervisors. Now Tark Sweet, CWAC vice chair, says the selection committee will have to "get further clarification" from the Council to see if the Supes will be able to appoint their own representatives. Who other than the county's elected representatives should be making these appointments? Perhaps the Growth Lobby, who will ultimately be served by this privatization scheme? STILL ONLY 25 CENTS, AND NOT WORTH THAT: The Tucson Citizen editorial page reached a new low with a double-header one recent day: They scolded Supervisor Sharon Bronson for having the effrontery to urge reconsideration of the construction of White Elephant Field, otherwise known as the new spring training facility, and also hit both her and Supervisor Dan Eckstrom for continuing to put heat on County Administrator Chuck Huckelberry to come up with some real numbers for the Pima County budget. The Citizen wankers had the audacity to title the last one "Quit whining"--something they've been doing since their candidate, Vicki Cox-Golder, lost to Bronson last November. We must remember this about these journalistic fudge heads: Citizen publisher Don Hatfield was once part of the ace team known as the Sports Development Corporation, which gave us the bogus cost of the new stadium. We commend Bronson for being the only elected official to question the obvious stupidity of this giant subsidy to rich baseball club owners. And the second editorial does Huckelberry no good. Major math blunders--or perhaps outright lies?--were made by those close to the Citizen's publisher on the Sports Development Corp. To urge public officials to shut up about them puts Huckelberry in the position of appearing to be Hatfield's lackey. We hold too high an opinion of Huckelberry to classify him as the lackey of a lackey. THE FURTHER DECLINE OF JOURNALISM: Latest outrage from the Rag of Record, The Arizona Daily Ad Space: You won't believe this new twist in the Star's ever-hilarious, how-bad-can-we-be management tango. SWAT teams. Every morning a group of reporters, consisting of an individual from each of the paper's editorial departments, meets to discuss the big stories of that day and how they should be covered. But wait, you say. Where does that leave the big can of tuna, that mouth-breathing cell-phone gorilla himself, John "Gosh-I'm-Famished" Silva? It would seem to leave the Star city editor with absolutely nothing to do, an empty suit with an empty schedule. It's a city editor's job to make day-to-day decisions about coverage. Remember the old days depicted in the old movies? The city editor, half-stewed, unimpressed by everything, but soft under that shiny bald head, barking orders between vodka shakes as he closes in on a story like a Doberman on a Stuckey's baloney log. Forget it. Now it's Managing Editor Bobbie Jo Buel dreaming up these tortured schemes so dumb they wouldn't stand scrutiny at a management school that advertises on a book of matches. So now we have Scot Skinner, a movie guy turned SWAT teamer, strapping on his Kelvar jacket and joining the other wing-nuts in trying to figure out the best way to cover Sun Tran's decision to use cheaper gas. "Holy cadavers! It's the SWAT Team!" Yeah, yeah. And while you're out, pick up a hoagie for Silva.

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