TAKE HEART: Just in time for Valentine's Day, a comprehensive, just-for-men guide to shopping for intimate apparel hits the shelves. Unfortunately, the illustrated paperback Handbook of Lingerie (Hebden Bridge, $12.95), by Andrew Wilson, is apparently written for Martians who have just landed on earth and for some reason need to buy lacy underthings. In order to help these alien visitors, there's a section that begins "Panties: Undergarments Designed to Cover the Lower Torso," and one that mentions that bras "consist of two shaped panels, known as cups." Perhaps the unfamiliarity with earth ways of these boyfriends from space is what prompts Wilson to tell his readers that "men are allowed to go into the lingerie section unaccompanied by a woman." Of course, The Conspiracy prevents Wilson from admitting who his true, extraterrestrial audience is, so he claims that he's just helping to prevent ordinary men from making the mistake of buying their significant others "slutty red and black garters." THE NATURAL CHOICE: Tucson natives Roseann and Jonathan Hanson have spent years poring over scientific tomes that reduce the physical world to so many lists of genus, family and species. So when they set out to write their own book, they knew exactly what they didn't want us to have to read. The result, the Southern Arizona Nature Almanac (Pruett, $19.95), dispenses with tradition and instead offers a reference guide both scientifically accurate and immediately understandable to naturalists of all abilities. "Snowbird" may enjoy only a passing reference in the almanac, but clearly the authors had the creature firmly in mind: The 300-page paperback, called "a seasonal guide to Pima County and beyond," is a broad-based introduction to regional natural history geared toward laymen and newcomers. Peppered with illustrated anecdotes of desert fauna, black-and-white photographs, personal reflections and helpful tables (from monthly weather reports to safety tips on lightning and Africanized bees), theirs is a welcome addition to all bookshelves and backpacks. Meet the authors at a slide presentation and booksigning from 7 to 8:30 p.m. Thursday, February 13, at The Book Mark, 5001 E. Speedway. Call 881-6350 for information. A THOUSAND WORDS: An exhibit of new alternative-process photographic works by Todd Walker, Ann Simmons-Meyers and Elaine Querry share the floor with an open reading by poets Richard Siken, Deborah Bernhardt and Dan Featherston at 8 p.m. Saturday, February 15, at Bero Gallery, 41 S. Sixth Ave. Regular gallery hours are noon to 5 p.m. Tuesday through Saturday, Thursday evening Art Walk, and Downtown Saturday Nights. Call 792-0313 for information. POETRY FESTIVAL UPDATE: Tickets are on sale now for the 15th-annual Tucson Poetry Festival, which convenes February 28 through March 2 at the Tucson Center for the Performing Arts, 408 S. Sixth Ave. Featured poets include Barbara Cully, Jon Davis, Mark Doty, Carolyn Kizer, Rick Noguchi, Daisy Zamora and Marie Howe. The festival includes readings on Friday and Saturday evenings, with group sessions planned for Saturday and Sunday mornings. Advance tickets are $5 per day, $10 for the entire weekend. Call 620-2045 for information. The Weekly will publish a complete program February 20.

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