Police Dispatch

Nope, He Just Really Loves His Major

Adventures in Chemistry!

East Fifth Street, Dec. 1, 2:20 p.m.

University of Arizona student-housing authorities were concerned when they noticed a new dorm resident moving in with an odd-looking contraption they immediately associated with what one might call "street chemistry," a UA Police Department report stated.

The resident assistant at Arizona-Sonora Residence Hall, 940 E. Fifth St., contacted the community director after she'd helped a new student settle into a room with his possessions—one of which happened to be a sizable apparatus she identified as "a pressure cooker with some tubes coming from the pot."

The community director called a UA officer to meet her at the student's room, which they entered together, immediately seeing in plain view a large "pressure cooker with tubing leading outside the window, copper wire ... bottles of over-the-counter pills, and a hot plate."

When the officer called the student's cell phone, the young man acted unruffled, saying he was on his way back to the room to meet them.

Once there, the student explained to the officer that "the crock pot was not used to make or conceal any type of marijuana or drugs" but in fact held yeast and sugar, which he showed the officer he was boiling inside to produce ethanol.

He said the pills in the room were nootropics, legal "smart drugs" some people use to "help with anxiety, depression, and concentration."

Perhaps presuming that the details of his apparent experiment-in-progress were over the officer's head, he simply stated that "the crock pot was about chemistry and that he was very interested in chemistry," which one might assume he was involved in for school. He assured everyone present that the room was safe and "would not explode."

After the room was cleared of illegal activity, the student was left to work in peace.