As a city we have received some big time press lately from the likes of the New York Times heralding Tucson as a hip place to live. From our vintage neon signs to rapidly growing Downtown, to our fine food and local beer establishments, we have gotten some pretty cool accolades. We were named fourth biggest city of book lovers and received numerous praises for our biking/cycling friendly community.

But, to be clear, there are some lists we don’t want to rank in the top five. Or even in the top 100 for that matter. We can all wipe a bead of anxious sweat off our brows because we did not rank as one of the Top 100 Most Sexually Diseased Cities in the United States. The data, released by rentapplication.com, compiled the latest STD statistics, in 2013, in the states by the Center of Disease Control and created a list of the towns that have the highest number of STDs.

Show Low was the only Arizona city to make it onto the list, coming in at number 49 with a rate of 1,036 reported STDs per 100,000 people.

While we might not have received the dubious honor, it’s not time to start making it with our neighbors sans rubbers. Show Low is the only city in good old’ AZ that has a higher STD rating then Tucson. We even far beat out Phoenix in our instances of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis.

It was reported that our rate of STDs per 100,000 people was 608. That includes 5,192 cases of Chlamydia, 795 cases of gonorrhea and 53 cases of syphilis. Our grand total for 2013? 6040. That’s quite a number of uncomfortable diseases that can all be treated if dealt with promptly.

Thankfully, for those of us who want to get tested, or perhaps just students in Arizona, which does not require sexual education be taught at elementary, middle and high schools, there are options available.

So, this is a Swedish kids' song set up to teach the kiddos the basics of genitalia. And I love it.

"Here comes the penis at full pace," and "the vagina is cool, you better believe it, even on an old lady. It just sits there so elegantly" are the only verified translated lines I've been able to find thus far.

The video has been viewed 1.5 million times and it's garnered some mixed reactions, from "I don't want to live on this planet anymore" to "what a great song about the most natural thing there is."
 
My love for this song is about 30 percent the intense joy I get from singing "snippity, snippity, snippity snop," 20 percent how adorable that grandma vagina* is and 50 percent the cool factor of sex positive parenting. It's really great that Swedish kids are being given this sweet introduction to a part of their bodies that is so often stigmatized.  


♬ Snippity doooooo ♪


*"Adorable grandma vagina" is a thought I was not expecting to have today.

Cynde Cerf, director of communications and marketing at Planned Parenthood Arizona, sends along an op-ed reminding those who are going to get busy during the holiday season to remember to use protection. Planned Parenthood will be supplying free condoms on New Year's Eve for patrons at Hotel Congress, The Shanty and Pastiche.

The holidays are upon us—time with family and friends, parties, champagne, and, even romance. At this time of year there can be such an overwhelming feeling of joy and happiness that when you add twinkling lights on a tree and a sprig of mistletoe, who knows where the evening could go?

Campaigns about watching one’s alcohol consumption during the holidays are prevalent and serve as wonderful reminders to celebrate responsibly. But, when we are finding ourselves “in the mood” at this time of year, another way to celebrate responsibly is to use a condom when you have sex.

In the United States, about half of all pregnancies are unintended and each year there are 20 million new sexually transmitted infections (STIs). As the largest provider of sexual health care in Arizona, we want to remind everyone that if there is a chance you may have sex on New Year’s Eve, make sure you have a condom in your purse or wallet. The condom should be one of your most essential holiday accessories and that’s why we created the Party Prepared community health initiative.

To make it a little easier to access condoms, we have partnered with restaurants, bars and clubs in across Arizona, making 15,000 free condoms available on New Year’s Eve to communities. In Tucson, you can find free condoms at the following locations: Hotel Congress, Pastiche and The Shanty.

Condoms are not the only way to party prepared. Another way to make sure you are off to the best start in the New Year is to have emergency contraception on-hand. Condoms can break and sometimes, even with the best of intentions, they can be forgotten. If you need a primer on how to put a condom on correctly, we have you covered. Go to ppaz.org for more information and answers to questions you may have, as well as a full list of locations participating in this year’s campaign.

We wish everyone a safe and happy New Year’s Eve filled with fun, music, good food, flirting and romance. Here is to a healthy 2015!

I'm gonna blame this on the schools. Whenever things happen with kids, no matter what it is, people like to say it's the schools' fault, so I might as well follow suit. I guess I've got to give a share of the blame to all the sex and violence in the media too — you name it, TV, movies, music (especially rap!), video games. They're so far over the top these days, it's gotta be affecting the kids! Oh, and don't forget parenting. You can't let the parents off the hook for their kids' behavior either.

For example, we've got to blame schools, media and parents for the rate of violence among youth these days. According to a recent op ed in the Star,

. . . arrests for serious violent offenses by juveniles have dropped about 60 percent from 1994 to 2011. Juvenile arrests have receded faster in the past 10 years than adult arrests. Property crime by youth also has sunk to its lowest point in 30 years.

Wait, what? You mean kids today are less violent than they were 20 years ago? That's not the impression I get from the media, or from adults complaining about "Kids nowadays!"

OK, but things have got to be worse in other areas, like bullying, teen pregnancy, drinking. Right?

. . . peer victimization, harassment and bullying — despite their ubiquity — have been abating in almost all of the surveys. Suicide, too, is less common.

[snip]

Not only is the rate of teenage pregnancy down to record lows in the United States, but the percentage of ninth-graders who say they have had sexual intercourse has declined from 54 percent in 1991 to 47 percent in 2013.

[snip]

The number of teenagers who have been drunk in the past year is at a record low and the drop for eighth-graders is particularly remarkable.

What the hell is going on? How can I complain about how awful and depraved today's kids are if the stats make them look so good? Haven't our schools turned into jungles? Hasn't the increase in depictions of sex and violence in the media turned kids into raging ids? Aren't parents being too permissive, or too overprotective, or too . . . something or other?

If things were going the other way, if the stats were trending for the worse, people would be quick enough to blame the usual suspects. So I guess, given the direction things are going, we've got to say, "Congratulations social, cultural and educational institutions. Way to go! Whatever you're doing, keep it up!"

I suppose it was inevitable, considering strip clubs generally serve beer and craft beer seems to be running its more commercial cousins off taps all over the place these days, but hey, there's a gentlemen's club making its own beer. What is somewhat surprising is that this isn't happening in Portland, Oregon (a place with two vegan strip clubs), but in the suburbs of Dayton, Ohio at a place called Pinups and Pints:

We went to the back room, which was where the brewery was housed. The brewery is a small affair — only a 15-gallon set-up, but a SABCO high-end computerized system that homebrewers would certainly kill for.

Conrad confessed he hadn’t been an avid homebrewer, but the idea of making his own beer appealed to him. It also helped to renovate the club. Baby Dolls didn’t have a liquor license, and to get a license through the regional agencies can be tough. However, a brewer’s license is easier to obtain. Pinups and Pints’ type of license is the same one Fifth Street Brewpub, Lock 27 and several other local breweries hold. It allows them to not only brew and serve their own beer, but also to serve a full bar of guest beers, liquor and wine.

Pinup Pale Ale, Conrad’s inaugural beer, was being primed for release that Monday, but we sampled an early release. It was a solid pale ale, a good start on a new system and one that will get better as Conrad works out the kinks in his system. “If I’m going to have it, I might as well make it good,” Conrad explained. He plans to do an Oktoberfest as well, offering two beer styles alongside the full bar.

When asked about the impact the craft beer is having on business, Conrad noted, “It’s been great. We’ve been having people come out for the beer.” Alisha, the bartender, noted a similar occurrence: “People are interested in the beer. It’s fun to have more to offer.”

Overall, we had a great time. What we expected was light years away from what we experienced. With high-quality décor, attractive and enthusiastic entertainers and a solid bar centered around microbrewed flagship offerings, Pinups and Pints seems to have figured out a formula to turn around a struggling gentlemen’s club into something with the possibility of being a regional destination, as well as perhaps the only microbrewing strip club in the country.

Not sure Arizona's liquor licensing operation is likely to allow an adult-entertainment business to also brew beer, but someone has to be the test case, right?

Well, according to this post, Foria, a personal marijuana lubricant developed to enhance female pleasure, is only available to medical MJ folks in California.

So no alleged 15-minute climax for Arizonana, who frankly could probably use 'em.

But how, exactly does a "stoned vagina" feel?

From Foira's website blog:

I'm going to get to explaining how, exactly, a stoned vagina feels, but the thing that stood out to me the most during the first time I used Foria is that I just felt really relaxed down there. Like, tension free. Like my vagina was kicking back on the beach in Mexico, without a care in the world.

The world is full of things I'll never understand. But I'm on a journey to comprehend those things, no matter how obscure and sexual it might be. Tonight, the Air Sex World Championships will commence at Hotel Congress, 311 East Congress Street. The competitor with the sexiest moves will be deemed the Air Sex Champion of Tucson.

You might be asking, "What the hell is Air Sex?" It's like playing air guitar, but with your genitals. For all you book nerds out there: it's like Hunger Games, but with someone else's genitals. Ask 

Here's a clip of what you might see tonight:

Doors open at 7 p.m. Tickets are $12 and you must be 21 and older to attend. Click here for more information.

Good news for you exhibitionists out there: The Underwear Party is back. The third annual underwear fiesta will begin at 9 p.m., Saturday, July 19, at Hotel Congress, 311 E. Congress St. There will be a live performance by B4skin, and The Human Terrarium is making a comeback. A professional photographer will be available to take your picture in front of an Ancient Roman backdrop.

Satyr Entertainment, Bob Felix, Sid The Kid & Jalph will be deejaying the inside and outdoor dance floors all night long.

Here's an A to Z guide by Artifact Dance Project and Joe Pagac: 

Ambrosia Vibe from Orgasmatronics, Inc. on Vimeo.

Looking for a new way to explore your sexuality? The Ambrosia Vibe, a strap-on dildo that activates when touched, might be the key to unlock your sexual treasure box in that dusty basement of yours. Orgasmatronics and ddenn creative are trying to raise $32,000 to produce and sell this futuristic strap-on.

The Ambrosia Vibe was developed by a former quantum physicist who is known by his pseudonym Dr. X. Treme. Dr. X’s resume includes a PhD in applied physics from Yale, a math/physics double degree from Berkeley, developing several technologies from concept to application in the quantum electronics field, and managing science research projects for the federal government.

When stimulated, the Ambrosia transmits a signal and delivers a corresponding vibration to the wearer. By allowing the wearer to experience sensation directly as they use the device, the Ambrosia opens the door to new sexual possibilities previously unachievable.

Sexual explorers 18 years and older can buy their very own Vibe for only $145. Other incentives include t-shirts, a leather harness and a weekend sex toy hack workshop. Go here for more information, and you can email your thanks here. 

It's pretty NSFW beyond this point, so save this post for later or quit your boring job.

Shameless self-promotion alert! I will be a guest on the The World Famous Frank Show tomorrow at approximately 7:30 a.m. I will be discussing the Weekly's 100 Essential Dishes list with the fellas, and hopefully talking Frank out of the drive through bit.

If anyone is awake at that hour, considering the whole city will be celebrating our Sweet 16 Victory (or god forbid, drowning our sorrows of a loss), tune in and catch my ever so charming nervous sta-sta-stutter and constant stream of "umms" and "uhhs".

Go Cats!!!