This evening, President Obama will be giving his State of the Union address. He's expected to discuss a very progressive tax plan, which would hike taxes for the folks with large salaries and give the middle-class tax breaks, celebrate the economy's recovery post Great Recession, talk terror threats and foreign policies, among other goals he's set for the next year.

But who is going to be paying attention to all that, when there will be this—


As reported by The Onion:

Speaking to reporters as he ran a tattered extension cord along the House of Representatives rostrum this afternoon, Vice President Joe Biden confirmed that he had arrived early in order to set up a fog machine for tonight’s State of the Union address. “This baby kicks out the fog like you wouldn’t believe, but you gotta give her plenty of time to warm up if you want the whole room to fill up real thick,” said Biden while carefully mixing water and glycerin according to his own homemade “fog juice” recipe, which he explained he’d been using since his brief stint as a roadie on White Lion’s Pride tour in 1987. “I wanted to do this thing up right with a whole laser rig and shit, but that would’ve set me back mucho dinero. But don’t you worry; Uncle Joe knows a few tricks with strobes that’ll get the crowd going.” At press time, Biden was reportedly double-checking the timers on a set of flash pots in order to avoid another congressional aide losing their fingers in a pyrotechnic mishap.

Ok, it's not true, but wouldn't it be fun?