Just like every other person on the internet, I thought that Alana, the chubby pageant kid featured with her coupon clipping mom on Toddlers & Tiaras, was a hoot, but now she's getting her own show, titled Here Comes Honey Boo Boo (sigh) which includes her peculiar family, something with mud and the opportunity to watch Alana grow up ahead of her certain future run for the presidency.

Range readers? I'm sorry I ever mentioned Alana. Now she's doing whatever the hell it is that was taught to her by her unfortunate family seeming enthralled with their own ignorance and promoting some terrible stereotypes about the American South. I'm so sorry for whatever I did to help create a situation where the above still from the show's commercial (which you'll have to find yourself, because I'm not linking to it) exists.

I'm so sorry and there's nothing I can do to fix things. If you need me, I'll be under my desk listening to a Kidz Bop album on Spotify.